60-second cinema

4 out of 10 Another Ghibli animation; not bad, but far from the studio's best. Earthsea follows the tale of a young boy who... kills his father... for whatever reason... and is then taken in by some good wizard dude while he's effectively on the run. Some other bad wizard dude then steps in and... well, I'd better not give too much away. Besides, I'm struggling to recall the finer points of the sometimes-meandering plot. Suffice it to say it's the usual Ghibli fable of struggling with inner demons and how a more spiritual, less greedy, less materialistic outlook can be your salvation. Sadly, it just never really took off for me. Perhaps the books would be better?

2 out of 10 Gratuitous, over-the-top, up its own arse, pretentious, art-school bullshit that I'd expect from an immature, attention-seeking student, not a seasoned, successful film-maker. Is Lars von Trier like this all the time, I wonder? The film would like to think it's deep and challenging, but... it's just not. Visceral maybe, but also quite missable. Oh, and it's got a close-up slow-mo of Willem Dafoe 's erect penis and swinging balls in it too — you have been warned. That aside, some of the scenes were quite beautifully shot. Some of the acting in the earlier parts of the film was pretty good too. Pity it was all wasted in this nonsense of a film.

8 out of 10 Feels strange reviewing this film as a film rather than as an extended episode of a TV series. Regardless, let's carry on and climb the mountain of conflict. This film is great. But then, I love The Thick Of It too. Drawing from, but hopefully caricaturing, the real-life absurdities and politics of... well, politics, the film follows a relatively lowly minister in the UK government who finds himself drawn into controversy. The controversy in question relates to the likelihood, or otherwise, of the UK and US going to war in the Middle East. You'd be right to think this is based around the recent war in Iraq. It blatantly is; and the writer's said as much. Given that, it feels like the black comedy on show should have been as painful as it was funny, but... it wasn't. Or rather, it wasn't for me . That's worrying in itself, because it really bloody should be painful viewing. The incompetence and deceipt that's played out really should frighte...

the odd minor spoiler I've always been a bit of a sucker for special effects in films, but — if you'll pardon the pun — they've got to be effective to really command my respect. Whether that's through inspiring awe, horror, or merely by being unnoticeable, they've got to work in the context of the film. Otherwise, they're just some kind of self-congratulatory distraction. Humour me while I share some of my favourites (and feel free to add your own in the comments). Probably the first effect that made a real impression on me was that of the fighting skeletons in Jason and the Argonauts . Those buggers gave me nightmares. More recently, Hannibal managed to be the only film ever to truly repulse me with the believability of its gross depictions. Of course, I can watch that scene quite happily now, but at the time, it was enough to make me look away from the screen. The recent War of the Worlds remake is another film whose effects have me in awe. However,...

7 out of 10 Completing my viewing of Park Chan-Wook's vengeance trilogy , Mr Vengeance is probably the simplest, plot-wise, of the three films. A young man struggling to find — and pay for — a kidney for his dying sister goes to unwise lengths to help her. Initially duped into swapping one of his own kidneys plus cash for a compatible donor kidney (which nevers turns up), he then resorts to kidnapping to raise the cash for a legit transplant. At which point, it all starts going seriously pear-shaped. Despite the film's title, there are actually multiple vengeances being sought here. And you can sympathise with all of them. The film remains entertaining and gripping throughout, but its relative simplicity felt like a slight let-down after seeing Oldboy and Lady Vengeance . Or maybe I was just up to speed quicker with this one. Anyway, as this rounds out my viewing of the vengeance trilogy, I feel I can now say it's a seriously good set of films. Granted, each is unr...

5 out of 10 How can a film with so many good things in it be so... average? Tricky one, but Watchmen manages it. And it pains me to give such a low mark. :( For those not in the know, it's a dark, noir-like story of crime-fighting, superheroes-cum-vigilantes — although some of these characters hardly deserve to be called heroes. Based on a graphic novel whose tone is said to have inspired the latest Batman movies, it sounds like it should be brilliant, but... it just feels pretty flat throughout. The pacing isn't exactly snappy and a good chunk of the first hour or so is spent filling in backstory. And then there's the narration from one of the key characters, given in the form of journal entries, which had me thinking more of Dick Spanner than the developing story. Rounding off the negatives, a few of the superheroes are... well... a bit wet, frankly. And, for people who are superpower-free, they're all unrealistically able to withstand long falls. Must have a ...

6 out of 10 Entertaining enough, with the odd good laugh, Withnail & I is a comedy about two out-of-work actors living through an alcohol-fuelled haze. It's not hard to see why this film has a cult following, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's an outstanding example of its art. At least, not in my book. I suspect it just struck a chord with lazy, pissed-up students. Still, I used to be one of them myself and it's good to finally get this one under my belt. At least now I have a bit of context when the next Richard E. Grant wannabe "demands to have some booze". ;)

8 out of 10 Wow. This was... very difficult viewing. Stick with it through the first half hour of misery, however, and you’ll be rewarded. Perhaps not with any happiness — it’s pretty unrelenting in its gloom — but with a film that elicits a strong emotional response. Given the nature of those emotions, however, I feel compelled to point out that you should not watch this if you’re suffering from any kind of depression. Seriously; this film makes a great case for a “mental stability advisory” to go alongside the regular BBFC rating. As for the story itself, that’s laid bare in the first 20 seconds. It’s about a man whose 6-year old daughter was abducted while his back was turned, struggling to cope many months later. No; not struggling to cope; quite simply not coping. As I say, this is made crystal clear right at the start, but it’s only reinforced by the first half hour or so. Thereafter, things start to get a little...

9 out of 10 A slow-burning tale of dark undercurrents in late 70's, middle-class family life. What it lacks in sheer punch, it easily makes up for in well-observed relationship tension and the excellent performances from the star-studded cast. Sigourney Weaver, Kevin Kline, Elijah Wood, Christina Ricci, Tobey Maguire and Katie Holmes are the most recognisable names on the bill, but all actors can be proud of their involvement in this. As, of course, can director Ang Lee. Great film.

7 out of 10 Last time I watched this, I gave it 4 out of 10. What the hell was I thinking? As I recall, I was unimpressed with transparent blood(!) and struggled to keep track of the characters' relationships. Whatever, it was all pretty clear this time and the blood was a non-issue. As it is, it's just another good revenge film from Park Chan-Wook, albeit with a sudden slowing of pace at the end. Looking forward to seeing Mr Vengeance now. :)

5 out of 10 While this goofball Steve Martin vehicle did have its fair share of laugh-out-loud moments, it also had its fair share of quieter spells. Sadly, a film with a few classic scenes doth not a classic film make. Good enough, but not great .

6 out of 10 Another Studio Ghibli animation recorded off the telly and so another watched with dubbing rather than subtitles. Surprisingly, it again worked rather well, with the eponymous crimson pig coming across as a distinctly likeable character from the get-go. I'm not even going to attempt to outline the story, mind; it's an odd mix of Western setting, humans-as-animals, a little bit of steampunk, and a curiously Japanese kind of romance (to my eyes). In other words, typical Ghibli. If you like their other stuff, you'll probably like this too. Not the most complex of their work, but still fairly entertaining.

8 out of 10 The story of the inspiration — and writer — behind Peter Pan, Finding Neverland was, for a while, a slow-burner, but never less than nicely rounded. Some might find it a little schmaltzy and predictable, but let yourself go. Soak it in and lose yourself in it and I swear you'll have a wonderful time.

6 out of 10 An entertaining look at the life of Tony Wilson and, more importantly, Factory Records and the artists and music the label brought to the fore. I'd always found Wilson to be a genial guy and, though it was news to me, it didn't surprise me too much to learn of the heartwarmingly ramshackle nature of his work. Overall, however, the film felt like little more than a nicely told, heartfelt documentary, rather than a story as such. At least it's good to know that the man himself got to see it and appreciate the warm sentiment felt toward him and his work before he popped his untimely clogs.

6 out of 10 Thanks to the Tyneside Cinema 's policy of bringing popular films back for one-off showings, I finally got to see this and on the big(ish) screen. Just as with Waltz With Bashir , this was as much educational as entertaining. Hmmm... maybe entertaining's not even the right word. The story follows an Iranian girl from her early childhood fully into adulthood, as she escapes from and returns to the oppressive regime in her home country. Assuming it's a fair representation of reality, Iran's probably just dropped down my list of countries I'd like to visit. Or maybe risen up it, given the spirit of its people. I don’t know. As a film, however, it left me wanting more; not always a good thing. The story goes in cycles throughout the film, but when it comes to an end, it still feels mid-way through a cycle. It feels incomplete, and it left me unsure of what it was trying to say. Maybe that was its intent: to leave an absence of conclusion. Perhaps; it ...

8 out of 10 My 6th Studio Ghibli film so far and my 3rd favourite (behind Grave of the Fireflies and My Neighbour Totoro). Set in a brilliantly steampunk world (a personal favourite style), it's a story of how compassion and a good heart will be rewarded and can see you through even the most difficult situations. (If you want the literal story, you can read the IMDB page.) Toward the end of the story, it felt a little less worked through than earlier on (hence the score above), but overall, it was a joy to behold, with some wonderful characters. And the animation was never less than delightful. Incidentally, if you fancy another slice of steampunk, I can heartily recommend the short Cannon Fodder, which appears on the Memories DVD.

8 out of 10 The Cat Returns is another Studio Ghibli animation and, for once, I watched the English dubbed version. I had no choice — it was on the telly. Have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed it. :) Telling the tale of a girl drawn into a world of cats after she saves a cat prince — stay with me here — it's not a complicated story, but it is well told and with nice touches of humour. If you've got a spare hour and 15 mins, this will plug the gap very nicely indeed.

6 out of 10 (I'm writing this review a good number of weeks after having seen the film, but here goes anyway.) For all the hype and Oscars (including Best Picture) that this received, I was left a little disappointed... and confused. Struggling to make out Tommy Lee Jones's mumblings as the Sheriff , I failed to get the importance of his role in the story. Instead, I invested my keenest interest and expectations in the killer (Javier Bardem) and the chancer (Josh Brolin), only to get a bit of a surprise late on. Hey ho. In hindsight, the story itself was fine — good, in fact — and it was pretty well shot and directed. I figure my mark just reflects how I felt after it. A second viewing might see that rise.

8 out of 10 An interesting biopic, looking into the formative years of Ernesto Guevara de la Serna — or ‘Che’ to you and me — The Motorcycle Diaries follows said revolutionary on a road trip around South America with his friend, Alberto Granado. The hardships of the people they encounter, and the injustices they suffer, give a new perspective that will later change Che’s life forever. The whole film is beautifully shot and, as you’d expect, paints a sympathetic portrait of a man I’d previously only encountered on students’ posters. Enjoyable and educational. :) Incidentally, in the new year, the Tyneside Cinema is showing part one of a two-part series of films on the later life of Che Guevara, with the second part coming in February. Suspect I’ll be checking them out too...

3 out of 10 Was this even a Bond film? I barely noticed. Uninvolving and hard to follow (even with a spot of revision before I went in), this was little more than one fight after another on a trail of revenge that probably made sense to someone, somewhere. Probably. While the story was lacking, I'm really not warming to Daniel Craig as Bond either. At first I thought he made a good, tougher Bond, but now I'm starting to think the relative lack of emotion is more a case of wooden acting. Or maybe the director was just useless. Either way, I'm hoping for, rather than expecting, better from the next outing.