The Wrong Turn

By -

2 out of 10

About as formulaic a horror film as you can get.

Start with a scene of some people being killed in some woods, then put some annoying teenagers into the same woods, lost and wait from them to get kicked in.

The teenagers are also joined by a bloke, who gets lost trying to take a short cut, who then bumps into a toothless simpleton at a garage that has no phone, in the middle of nowhere in outback Virginia. Said, simpleton then tells the man to watch out and tells him to nick off back to your fancy house with pillows, hot water, noise discs and walls.

The bloke then takes the wrong turn and crashes into the annoying teenagers and the whole lot of them then set about on a rather poor adventure. Isn't it about time, horror films started using more than just teenagers in peril as their basis. Surely, a family getting chopped up, chinned or simply buggered, would be more scary, than more stupid buggers of varying levels of annoyance, which as in most films of this type, can be used to gauge, who will make it and who will be hacked up, with the least annoying always ending up as the survivor.

The monsters, that then set about killing them in various ways, (one included a squirrel up the japs eye) are supposed to be inbred. But haven driven through, Middlesbrough and Bill Quay, I have never seen inbreeding lead to such mongs as these. In fact, this film would have been better if it was called 'The Mong Turn'.

If I had to review this in a noise, it would be 'huuuuuuuuurr'.

Its pants, I have had more fun at funerals.

Comments

Skidmark Charlie said…
Possibly the best review I have ever read, mainly as it has the word Mong in it...twice!!

I own this film, but then my past is quite shady.

For added hilarity the extras has a section where one of the "actresses" gets her face slashed. The number of takes required to get the 3 seconds of footage shows the truth of her "acting" skills, and that she may have been added to the film by "personal request" of a gentleman...probably with a wry smile on his face.
7:43 pm
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