60-second cinema

8 out of 10 No matter how schmaltzy the theme behind any given Pixar movie, they always seem to come up with the goods. And so it’s true of Cars, just as with their previous titles. Following the tale of a cocky racing car being taught about the things that really matter in life — friendship and caring, of course — this is fairly predictable, but it doesn’t stop it being thoroughly enjoyable. Perhaps not as many laughs as some more recent efforts, but good stuff nonetheless. On the purely technical side, too, I was deeply impressed with the graphics. Ok, that sounds more like a line from a video game review than a movie review, but the animation really did blow me away at times. Ignoring the cars’ (almost lazily realized) faces, some of the shots on the racetrack were spectacularly good, bringing aspects of photorealism into what is essentially a cartoon. As I said, Pixar continue to produce the goods. Can’t wait for their next outing .

7 out of 10 Enjoyable enough for a chick flick, but I wouldn’t say it was particularly profound. Of all the stories being told, I think I found the one played out by Andrew Lincoln and Keira Knightley to be the most touching. And that’s despite the involvement of Ms Knightley, who was, as ever, cringeworthy (on many levels). Andrew Lincoln was good, though. Time may see me upgrade this film to an 8, but for now, it’s a solid 7.

6 out of 10 The fact that I’d heard plenty of bad things about this before seeing it probably helped, but I was pleasantly surprised by this reprisal. Even the opening music was enough to put a smile on my face and make me think “Damn! It’s been too long!” Hearing it in a cinema rather than on DVD just enhanced it. Nostalgia aside, I reckon this was a decent enough comic-book movie: full of holes, plainly silly, but really quite enjoyable. Brandon Routh , despite my initial reservations, played his dual role reasonably well and could teach Orlando Bloom a thing or two about speaking like a man. Granted, I never felt as drawn in to rooting for the characters as much as I was for Superman I and II, but maybe I’m just wearing rose-tinted specs in that regard. Still, I’m looking forward to the next one already, so I guess it did the job. :)

6 out of 10 Slightly out of season, but enjoyable nonetheless. Maybe it was a little one-dimensional, but I got a fair few good-sized laughs out of it. Bernie Mac , in particular, creased me up at times and, for my money, gave the best performance in the film. Bad Santa might not be a classic, but its liberal doses of crudeness mostly hit the mark. Speaking of which, can I just say that Lauren Graham is hot ? Yes, it appears I can. :)

7 out of 10 Enjoyable tale of one man’s embroilment in the downfall of the Samurai. While I’ve not checked the blurb or the extras on the DVD, I can only assume the film was based loosely on fact. Tom Cruise played his role pretty well, letting the character and story take centre-stage rather than himself. The rest of the cast, too, played their parts well. My main reservation, however, is the degree of culture-worship on show, casting samurai culture in an almost beyond-criticism light whilst denigrating anything Western. True, I have no personal experience of the Japanese side of things, but I’m a sceptical sod who thinks we’re all as bad as each other. ;) Regardless, this was a well put-together film and well worth a watch.

4 out of 10 Pretty average. The story made for a good adventure, but it was overly long and I was distracted by crappy acting. I still don’t rate Orlando Bloom and his pathetically comedic attempts at a manly voice. And, frankly, I just don’t find Johnny Depp ’s Jack Sparrow to be funny. Lots of people laughed out loud, but I barely managed a chuckle. (In fact, I’ve not rated a Johnny Depp performance since Ed Wood .) Some of the CGI was quite good, mind. Davy Jones’s face, in particular, was impressive, as you could tell it was Bill Nighy under there. Not sure how they did that and whether it was a combination of prosthetics and CGI, but it worked really well. I found myself studying it more than watching the story, to be honest. Overall though, I doubt I’ll hurry back when Pirates III comes out. DVD next time, perhaps.

5 out of 10 Pirates of the Caribbean was sold out, okay!?! Anyway, this time-slipped romance between a doctor and an architect was built on deeply suspect foundations (see what I did there?) and was horribly predictable throughout. Regardless, it still managed to stir some kind of emotional response from me, so I can’t write it off entirely. Keanu Reeves was seriously wooden at times and Sandra Bullock was suitably wet, but I was hardly expecting Oscar performances. It was ok, I guess.